Dear mister 'I think I'm a good tipper' guy...

You're not. You are not a good tipper in any way shape or form.

Your TWO whole fucking dollars you give me after you drink 13 beers does not impress me.

The way you whine about getting the TV remote makes me want to stab you.

Next time you call me by saying 'YO! ADRIANE!' or shouting 'eee awww eeee!' I swear to god I'll bash your head in with the closest blunt object.

When you want to talk to me about the 'latest' episode of MASH...well, I don't know what to say, other than....'please kill me now'

Your 'friends' God, where do I start?? I would like to stab them as well. I think you're rubbing off on them. The tips they've been leaving me? They suck.

Is it my shitty attitude? Well, My attitude hasn't changed much in the last 6 years.

So what the fuck? You order beer, I bring you beer. You order food, I bring you food. Why the crappy tip?

Why don't you just stay away from the bar for ONE DAY A WEEK? If you do, you can get cable! You can watch MASH and stay home, stay the hell away from me!